Feasting in Waupun

What is more primitive than cooking? An act both necessary and sublime; filled with survival instinct and the intensely satisfying satisfaction of a well-made meal. As a prisoner, I find myself robbed of an act as dear to me as sex: cooking. I love cooking more than I do eating which I do as quickly as possible.

Institutionalization has conditioned my eating into 20 minute sprints – the exact time afforded inmates to eat a meal in the dining hall. If eating is a sprint, then for me cooking is a marathon, a thing not to be finished quickly. The only opportunity I have to cook is in my cell with items bought from the prison canteen. All the ingredients are either premade (Bushy Creek Chili) or insanely processed (Ramen Noodle), not to mention filled with preservatives and nothing fresh, and expensive.

Despite those limitations, we are creative critters, able to make a meal that’s if not exactly healthy, at least it’s flavorful and more often than not better than the slop ruined and served in the prison cafeteria.

I’ve noticed that people in here cook not so much to feed themselves, as to bond with others. I cook with my cellie because I like him and despite having very little in common with him, cooking built a bridge between us and made the indignities of close quarter living a little more bearable. There is so much value in having a group of friends or an identity group that uses food to make/reinforce bonds in a place that actively seeks to sever/destroy anything that brings more than two people together in bonds of family and commonality. What the overlords of this gulag do better than anything else is divide, never allowing a critical mass of anything form. To be certain, that is their mandate as this place is not populated by well-adjusted, well meaning people striving for the common weal. Fights, rages, and assault do take place here maybe not with cinematic frequency or drama, but in a world of wolves there are the wolves. So while they strive to control every aspect of our waking day, we break the rules to feed ourselves as we see fit.

Homemade hot pots bring us flavors from the home that they would deny us; most dangerous though is how the act cooking reinforces the us versus them mentality. We cook to spite them to show them that despite every indignity thrust upon us, every indifferently state-made meal ingested, that we cook for our pleasure with people we choose. Our middle finger thrust into the face of the despot more often than not takes the form of the burrito.

Behold the Prison Burrito

3 Ramen Noodles (any flavor but avoid the seafood ones)
2 Sevilla Hot Chili flavor Refried Beans & Rice
1 5 oz Sparrer’s Beef Salami
1 3.5 oz Splendore pepperoni (18 slices)
1 4 oz City Cow Nacho Cheese Dip with Jalapenos
1 3.5 oz Cactus Annie Onion Dip
1 Bushy Creek Chili
1 pkg Cactus Annie flour tortillas (6)
Keefe BBQ Sauce and Hot Sauce

Crush the Ramen Noodles as much as possible by hand and combine with the rice and beans in a large plastic bowl that has a good lid. Add as much hot water as you think necessary. Mix in 2 or 3 of the flavoring packs. In another bowl stir together the nacho cheese and onion dip with enough BBQ sauce and hot sauce to make a spread with the consistency of mayonnaise. Set aside. Cut the salami in quarters and then slice the salami into two inch strips; you should get about 16 strips. Pre-heat the cheese mixture. Lay out the six tortillas and equally divide the cheese mixture among them. Spread the cheese on the tortilla in an even layer. Put three slices of pepperoni onto the cheese and split the salami as evenly as possible amongst the six tortillas. Evenly divide the Ramen/Beans and rice mixture, top with the preheated chili, and close the burritos as best as you can. Place 3 rolled burrito into a new Ziploc bag and close. Suck the air out of the Ziploc prior to closing to make cooing in boiling water easier. Makes six burritos.

Those are the basics; there are a lot of variations but most edible prison burritos stick to the basic framework of Ramen Noodles for bulk, salami for meat, and cheese. I personally will use a kimchii-like mix of peppers and pickles that have been seasoned and bottled as a top garnish – it adds a little heat and a nice crunch. You can add refried beans, but I think it’s a bit over-kill with using beans and rice, but I’ve done that, too. There is also some leeway with using white brown, and Kraft spicy/cheesy rice all of which are sold here. Often burritos take the form of potluck especially when there are multiple people throwing in.

A note about the salt content. Everything sold here is prepackaged so it has loads of sodium. Using the ramen noodle spice packs without keeping an eye on the salt could lead to waking up the morning after a meal absolutely parched from salt induced dehydration. Depending on the flavor of the ramen noodle I might only use 2 flavor packets. Just a thought.